Thursday, April 7, 2011

I heart books and you should too

Yesterday I was looking through my bookshelves for an easy read and came across a book I forgot I even owned: Republican Like Me: Infiltrating red-state, white-ass, blue suit America by Harmon Leon.

I picked this book up at Half Price Books a billion years and never read it.

Well I read it yesterday and I almost peed my pants laughing. This is the link to it on amazon, in case you are interested.

I don't recommend it if you are a humorless, close-minded conservative because this whole book basically makes fun of them. (I'm not saying all conservatives are humorless and close-minded.)

I also don't recommend it if you take politics a little to seriously. But if you are like humor and don't take things too seriously, this is the book for you.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

When someone stole my dad's car

I've always been close with my family. My mom has always been my best friend. I am the world's biggest daddy's girl. My brother's pretty cool, too. I guess. Because I'm so close to them, I never really strayed far from home. I went to college only 30 minutes away from home and went home almost every weekend.

Going from seeing my family all the time to never getting to see them is hard. And this week I have been missing my daddy like crazy.

My all time favorite story about my dad concerns the time his car was "stolen."

My freshman year of college I was working at the college's Computer Help Desk. One day while at work, I got a call from my mom. This was the conversation:

Me: Mom, I'm at work.

Mom: Your dad's car was stolen.

Me: What?!? (Side note: no one in their right mind would steal my dad's car. it's one of those ugly little trackers)

Mom: Yea, someone stole his car from the Walmart parking lot.

Me: *fall into a fit of giggles*

Mom: This is serious. I need you to go pick your dad up.

Me: I'm working.

Mom: So am I. Fine, see if Garrett can do it.

So I called up the hubs, who at that time was the lowly bf. Luckily, he was not working and could pick up my dad, who was not at the local Walmart. Nope, my dad wanted to be adventurous and try the really big Walmart a few towns over.

I went back to work, pondering why the hell someone would steal my dad's crap car. I don't know anything about chop shops or anything like that, but I was pretty sure the parts weren't really worth much. It barely ran.

A half an hour later I get a call from Garrett who is laughing so hysterically, I can't even understand him. He finally gets out that I should call my dad.

So I did. And here is that conversation:

Me: Hey dad, is everything okay?

Dad: It's fine. Everything is fine.

Me: Oh.....I thought your car was stolen.

Dad: About that...

Me: Did the police find it?

Dad: Yes.

Me: Well, where was it?

Dad: ............the other end of the parking lot.

Turns out, this giant Walmart had two entrances, which my dad didn't notice. He is prone to forgetting where he parked so he parked right in front of the entrance he saw. After he finished shopping, he exited and didn't see his car. He searched but couldn't find it and ended up calling the police. Only to have the police find his car in front of the other entrance.

I tell this story every chance I get because A) It's hilarious B) It explains a lot about my ability to lose things and C) I love my Daddy.

You're just jealous your wife isn't as cool as me

Garrett comes home today! YAY! After five days of being stuck home alone with my demon spawn dogs with no car (mine has a flat tire) I cannot wait for the hubs to get here. The very first thing I'm going to do is give him a big hug and kiss. And then I'm hiding in the bedroom with my laptop and leaving him to deal with the dogs.

I had this amazing plan for when he came home to show him what a good wife he has. I was going to put on a cute dress and make-up. I was going to clean the house and then make him an amazing dinner. Wanna guess how much of that is going to happen?

After getting like three hours of sleep, Garrett's lucky I took a shower. There's no make-up, I'm in sweats, and I'm like 90% sure I got Mod Podge stuck in my hair.

The house is a disaster because I decided today was a good day to craft. (I made a really pretty welcome sign out of yarn and card board. I know, sounds cheap right? It looks epically awesome. I would post a pic but my camera committed suicide.)It's going to stay a disaster. In my defense, some of the crafts aren't done and need to dry. On the floor. In the middle of the living room. Don't judge me.

He's still getting dinner, but nothing fancy at all. I looked in the fridge, cupboards, and freezer. There's nothing. I've been eating PB&J all week. Why? Because my car has a flat and I can't go to the commissary. So you wanna know what Garrett is getting for supper?

Fish sticks.

Maybe he should have fixed my tire BEFORE he left.

Jealous much? You should be.

Why am I up at 3 in the morning?

I was asleep; dreaming sweet dreams filled with candy canes, flowers, and Shemar Moore. It was one of those dreams that you hope for every night before you fall asleep. I was blissfully unaware in dreamland. Until I heard something.

I knew instantly what it was and flew out of bed to find the source. Sure enough as I walk into the hall I stepped in it, slipped and fell in it.

As if that weren't bad enough, I still heard it. I got up, determined to find whoever did this and sure enough, as soon as I entered the study, I found it. Roscoe, my eight month Golden Retriever was peeing on my futon.

He didn't just pee on my futon. He peed in the hallway, in the living room, and on my couch. Where did he even keep that much pee? We were just out at midnight.

So why am I up at three in the morning? Because I have the lucky job of cleaning up all of that pee, all by myself. And then taking a shower.

I am officially a cat person.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Why public school is always the better option

After four months, I finally decided to be responsible. I finally decided to take a look at my student loans. And I really really wish I hadn't.

First of all, even though I used the same company for every loan I took out, I have SEVEN different loans. Crazy, right? So I decided to become familiar with loan consolidation. Not fun.

Second, I realized I owe over $34,000. Now a responsible person may keep tabs on their student loans as they take them out, but I am not a responsible person.

Everyone who is going to college knows that people tell them that its okay to take out loans because since you are going to have a college education, you will get a good job and be able to pay them off. Lies! All lies!

I graduated over 4 months ago with a double bachelors and I have had a total one 1 job interview.

My advice to anyone looking at colleges: Go public. Or community college. Maybe then you won't have a mountain of debt with no pay off.